Essay Revision

I plan to develop my points further to move out of the general form of the essay. I also need to open my paragraphs in a better way. Instead of using broad points, I need to tie in these sentences to the thesis. Moreover, I need to give better introductions to my quotations instead of just plopping them randomly in the paragraphs. Mainly, I plan to think more about my topic and try to make a more debatle and interesting point.

Paragraph Two

A prime example of a character who demonstrates individualistic values is Elizabeth Bennet. She proves she can truly handle the pressures of society in a way that does not isolate her. Elizabeth rises above the harsh societal expectations of the 1800’s and stays loyal to her values. For example, Mrs. Bennet expects Elizabeth to marry a man as soon as she finds the opportunity in hopes of obtaining a comfortable economic status. However, Elizabeth believes in finding true love rather than marrying a man for his money. “I know not how to express my refusal in such a way as may convince you of its being one” (Austen 75). When Mr. Collins proposes to Elizabeth, she finds it absurd that he would even think of asking for her hand in marriage. Elizabeth goes against society’s favorable choice and declines his offer for her own individual reasons. Elizabeth’s decision defines her independent character and shows that she will not conform to society. Even though Elizabeth’s mother ostracizes her for this decision, the moral strength Elizabeth displays outweighs any previous expectations her mother had set. In Elizabeth’s case, she does not care to fit the needs of society which exhibits her moral character.

Sample Essay Ranking

In the first sample essay, "Conflicting First Impressions; Austen's Misleading Character Introductions and How They Affect the Reader", I believe that the point that the writer is trying to make is not very strong. The thesis is more of a fact and not an arguable and interesting point. The evidence provided is fairly strong; however, the bulk of the essay relies on the thesis which, as stated earlier, is not very informative. The citations are correct and the style is acceptable so I would rank this essay in the B range.

In the second sample essay, the thesis compares two works and creates an arguable topic. The writer also analyzes his/her sources in great detail and provides contrasting arguments. The style is very concise and is written in a sophisticated way. Overall, I would rank this paper in the A range.

First of all, in the third essay, the title is way too long and confusing. The style of this essay is very awkwardly worded and lacks sophistication. Most of the sentence structure is very confusing and does not get the point across. Moreover, in the fourth paragraph, the writer tries to analyze too many quotes and can not focus on his thesis. I would rank this essay in the C range.

First Paragraph, First Draft

An individual can often lose himself in society if he does not uphold his moral values. Most people will agree with the majority of a group to 'fit in'. They do not want to disagree with the whole of the group in hopes of not being seen as different. While this can be seen as just to a certain extent, an individual must defend his values to refrain from losing his identity. Not only does maintaining individuality set oneself apart from others, but also shows one's moral strength and willingness to protect his values. Moreover, the individual has a voice and his opinion is important in showing opposing sides. Therefore, individuality should not be compromised to fit the needs of society because the individual loses his opinion and lacks an adherence to his own moral values.

To His Coy Mistress

Andrew Marvell's "To His Coy Mistress" is a loving and passionate poem at first that eventually turns into a poem of urgency. In the first stanza, the narrator has a slower tone and uses hyperbole to exaggerate his love for the woman. However, as the poem continues and the entire tone is changed by the word "but", the narrator's mood seems to have shifted and his sense of urgency has risen. "Time's winged chariot hurrying near". Only a couple lines after the narrator has just stated that he would wait for eternity for his love, he now tells her that their time is running out. He suddenly changes direction and is hypocritical in his love vows. Moreover, the word 'hurrying' further demonstrates the fast paced tone in the second and third stanzas.

-KefBrando

Outside Reading Book

For my outside reading book I've decided to read the novel, Fight Club, by Chuck Palahniuk. The movie Fight Club is one of my favorites and I discovered that the movie was based on this novel. I'm really excited to read it and see how it differs from the film.

-KefBrando